Ever since I had my son, I feel as thought I’ve lost some of myself. I’ve gained so much and my life has changed for the better in so many ways. I just can’t help yearning for something.
I don’t miss my old life, but I do miss the old me. I don’t really remember the old me. The me before nappies and cleaning and all this love I have for my child. What did I like to do? What made me happy? What defined me? What made me, me?
I have a name
I am more than “Oscars Mammy”. I am a girlfriend, a best friend, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a grandchild. When your whole world revolves around your kid it’s hard not to let that define you.
There’s nothing wrong with being “just a mam” but I don’t think anyone is “just” anything. I have a name, other than mam, mama or mammy. I feel like the old me when I meet my oldest friends, or when I talk to my Mamarchy girls. It’s nice to have people who get it!
I feel like Eileen when Adam and I get a moment to ourselves. You don’t have to put yourself to the bottom of the pile all the time. Taking a break is important. In the evenings, when Oscar is asleep, I feel like Eileen. When it’s me and my boyfriend and there are no more bottles to wash or clothes to clean. But then I snap back to mammy when I hear the faintest noise from the baby monitor. I’m mammy again when I need just one more kiss goodnight, or to check that he’s warm enough, but not too hot.
Maybe being mam is part of being Eileen, that’s not too bad.
Other mams feel like this too
I definitely struggled when I had my first son, it felt like because I’d become a Mum I had to change my whole being. It wasn’t ever anything big but just silly things like not being able to wear my hair down, as it went in his face when I fed him. It took a good six months to realise that I could still be Emily, and be a Mum. Pursuing my hobbies and things I loved before children massively helped. BabiesAndBeauty
I’ve felt so deflated lately and not felt like ‘me’ for a long while. We’ve just had a weekend away, just my husband and I, and it was lovely to spend time as me again. I really need to find the perfect balance between being ‘mummy’ and being ‘me’, as I think it’s so important to not lose yourself.JustButtonsBlog
I felt like I had lost who I was when I had Elsa. I had gone from doing what I want to all of a sudden having this tiny baby to look after! It was such a shock. I felt like I had lost my life before and I didn’t have anything for myself, then I found blogging and it helped me so much! TheCoastalMummy
Since being “Teddy’s mummy” which is now my title, I think people forget my name is RACHAEL. He is almost ten months old & there are times I worry that I’ve NEVER felt like myself. I struggle to remember who I was before. However, recently I have been making more of an effort the most of the time that Teddy goes to bed. Me & Aaron will watch a really shitty film on Netflix & I’ll read a book whilst he plays on football manager. It’s not the most social thing but it’s what we did before we had a baby & it’s one of my favourite things to do. Just relax and chill out in each other’s company.FromRachaelClaire
I feel like with each child, I’ve lost a little bit more of who I am. When the older two went to school this got even worse. The only times I truly feel like me again are when I’m at a blogging event, which is work for me since giving up my job, and on the rare times my husband and I get away on our own. I think a huge part of this is my lack of self confidence. I’m really trying to take more time for me to get some confidence and self identity back again EvenAngelsFall
As a woman who doesn’t really conform to gender norms it was really hard when I became a mum (including when I fell pregnant, actually!) as a lot of the clothes were very feminine and ‘mumsy’ and I struggled to still be me! LesBeMums
I’ve been a mom for 14 years now, I’m not even sure what my name is anymore! To feel like me again me and my friend go out once a week, it’s normally only for a mooch around a supermarket but it’s nice to get out child free for a bitMamaMighalls
I feel most like ‘old me’ when I’m at work. I’m not someone’s mum, I’m just the same me that I was before I became a parent. Some days I get so engrossed I actually forget that anything’s changed and that I have a child! It’s for that reason that I can’t imagine NOT working, parenthood has changed my life in so many ways but it’s nice to have a part of pre-parenthood me that hasn’t changed! DevonMama
I found it really hard to just become mummy. I have never liked myself especially. But I liked myself even less when I lost my identity. I also couldn’t afford to go back to work and so that didn’t help. I just threw myself into trying for another baby. And now I have two children, I’ve redound myself as Lucy through my blog and helping other mums who suffer from recurrent miscarriage and mental health problems. MrsHsFavouriteThings
I still struggle with this. I’m very much a mummy before anything else and am trying to find that balance between “mummy” and “me”. A hot bath on my own with a book definitely helps, even if it is rare. TippyTupps
I feel most like me when I have a chance to make an effort for the day, choose an outfit I love and do my make up how I used to! Also any chance to do something that I used to love doing like going to the theatre or a solo shopping trip make me feel like I’m not just Mum, I’m still Hanna! LittleSnippets
I have a toddler attached to a tit pretty much all the time so I find it super hard to be me and not a milk machine. I flit between feeling like being a mummy is my calling and wanting to shut myself in a cupboard just so I don’t have to share my food. One thing I find that really helps me feel like myself is buying new make up and bits like that instead of just coming back with mountains of nappies and baby snacks.GeeGardner