Does Having Children Form An Essential Part Of The Modern Relationship Equation?

*Collaborative Post*

Now, it would seem that there is a much bigger disparity between generations. Even between generation X and Y, with barely an age gap of 10 years, has shown a dynamic shift in priorities. Children are one of the most common examples of the difference between the two generations. It seems that Generation Y, commonly known as millennials, are not having as many kids. And there are very obvious reasons for this; primarily, the financial issues that are being thrown up, and will continue to be thrown into the mix. But as far as the classic family unit is concerned, children still appear to form a big part of it. And for those of the younger generations, there are a lot of issues in their own unique path to happiness, which means that children don’t form part of this. But, when it comes to modern relationships, does having children form an essential part of this equation? In other words, do we actually need to have children in order for our relationships with our partners to blossom? Let’s see if we can answer the question.

Eileen and Adam

The Abundance Of Choice In Life (And In Science)

We can’t discuss the modern approach to relationships without mentioning the multitude of choice. It seems that now, we have almost never-ending options when it comes to picking the ideal partner, but also, when this extends into life choices, and specifically, the topic of having children, there is no limit. Of course, adoption, IVF, and numerous medical approaches highlight the fact that if somebody wants a child, they can almost do it tomorrow! But in terms of this as a goal of a healthy relationship, it’s not as simple as that. It’s important that we don’t ignore the maternal instinct. Yes, there are lots of people who cannot have children, but at the same time, the desire to have a child is something that can’t be understood that much by men. Of course, this is a crass generalization, but when couples are determined to have a child, but life stands in the way, there are always ways around this.

This is why it important not to underestimate the amount of choice that couples have in life, as well as science. And likewise, this means that our choices in life are not limited to a handful anymore. Even a procedure like a vasectomy can be reversed, should couples decide later on in life that they want to have children. And while it’s easy to say that there is an abundance of choice in life now, and so we can always put off having children, as has been evidenced by the number of people who are putting their careers first, it’s still something that every couple needs to prioritize in their life, if they have a certain set of goals.

The Goals Of Modern Relationships

In fact, a lot of couples may not even view their relationship as a solidified unit. There are many couples out there that don’t believe in marriage, long-term relationships, and similar constructs. And so, is it actually healthy to introduce a child into this environment? But the fact is, with the change in priorities, baby boomers getting older, and generations Y and Z being of a mature age, lots of people now focus on the fact that not only is it difficult to bring a child into the world, but, because of generations Y and Z’s own understanding of their difficulties, that they may consider it to be almost cruel. As already mentioned, finances seem to be a major problem with the vast majority of millennials in the modern world, and if trends continue, it can only appear to get worse. But, conversely, we can look at it from the perspective of the generations that have come before us. Everybody has had their own sense of financial struggles, and, children have been raised in less frivolous circumstances, through world wars, poverty, but now, because of the increase in access to information, via technologies and so forth, we are hearing more about the struggles.

So, it makes us more informed about the choices we have in life. And so, we form an opinion very early on in life as to what we want out of relationships. A lot of us still want children, and this is an inherent part of our emotional makeup, but there are more people who don’t. We also need to look at it from the perspective of a couple that isn’t able to conceive naturally. Because there are so many couples out there going through setback after setback of not being able to conceive, this has a negative impact on the couple, and as such, it can go one of two ways afterward. The relationship can solidify, or it can be damaged. The pain of the setbacks couples have if they’re not able to have children for whatever reason, in a natural way, can be the biggest knock-down of all. And it is nothing new; couples throughout the generations that have so desperately wanted their own children, but are not able to, are going through this pain every single day. And a child is the only thing that will fill that void. We see this everywhere. Through the number of online blogs detailing how many couples struggle to conceive to the fact that these storylines are ubiquitous in television shows.

The Seeming Lack Of Happiness Nowadays

Now, with the increased rates of mental health problems, it seems that everybody isn’t happy nowadays. So, thoughts of bringing a child into the world can, naturally, seem like a foolish idea. But, speak to any parent, and they will tell you that it is the sole reason they get up every morning. Those parents out there who struggle with mental health problems on a daily basis, but yet, still have to function, will tell you how their child has brought them back from the brink of depression. Yes, we struggle nowadays to be happy, we have numerous distractions in life, and so, there are many people who would think it’s idiotic to bring a child into the world, especially if you struggle with mental health problems yourself. But, a lot of people finally have a sense of focus when they actually have something to focus on that is more important than themselves. Couples go through depression and anxieties more, nowadays, and for those on the outside looking in, they may believe that bringing a child into this situation will only compound it.

Of course, it’s all down to each individual couple, but when we are working hard at maintaining a healthy relationship with our significant other, and we want a child, we have to trust our instincts. While there’s no solid answer for this, and it is down to personal opinion, for those people who do struggle with their mental health, either in terms of mild anxiety or extreme depression, if we want a child, we can’t ignore these instincts. But, if we are having a child to paper over the cracks in a relationship, which is something many couples have struggled with, but from the outside looking in, we know this isn’t the ideal solution. This is a very black and white way of looking at it. But it’s important to remember that every relationship goes through their struggles. Maybe we are looking at it from the perspective that the relationship that we know will last is the perfect one, but it’s important that we all understand that every relationship has their tests.

Do we need children to have a healthy relationship with our partner? This is a very broad spectrum, and it’s also important to note that happiness differs depending on where you live in the world. But, the idea of a child being the solution to a struggling relationship is unfair, but we can’t ignore our instincts when we know that we have so much more love to give. For many couples, having a child is the next logical step, because we feel it in our bones, but there are many couples out there who don’t believe in bringing a child into the world, all of the social and economic anxieties that they may face. As far as relationships are concerned, it’s always about being on the same page and having children as a logical extension of being in sync with one another.


Many people believe they can’t cope with the pressures of raising a child, but when the situation is thrust upon them, they are able to with aplomb. It seems to be an inherent part of many people’s biology, and it’s something that can be the making of us, but now, in the modern world, we are exposed to so many more ideas of bad parenting, that we can easily feel put off by the idea. But, as far as relationships are concerned, it certainly very difficult to ensure a healthy survival rate, especially with that oft-used statistic of 50% of couples divorcing, but for those couples who are prepared to go the distance, a child can more than solidify their relationship.


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